RETARDO PLANE MAN

So this past week, once again, my flight was delayed out of Chicago. Yes it is a beautiful place, but the world doesn't function properly because of its retarded airport/weather. So I had two options, take my flight and most likely miss my layover in Houston (Texas sucks) and get stranded there or switch airlines and get home really late. Of course I do not want to be stranded in Texas, so I take the flight. So of course I end up with one of those seats right NEXT to the emergency exit row that you CANNOT recline in and you have less legroom than any other row in the plane (Dad, Mom, did you really have to both be so tall?). So I sit on this plane and by the time we land 3 1/2 hours later, my legs have absolutely no blood in them anymore, so I walk around, do some stretches, etc. (airports are filled with weirdos, me being one of them) in preperation for my next flight (out of vegas). So by this time I'm pretty tired (its 11:59 pacific and I am still on central so I'm feeling like its 1:59) I get on the flight and its fairly spacious and a really short flight. So I pass out for 1/2 of the flight and wake to tubbers next to me snoring up a storm. At this point, I really don't care, I just want to be home. So we finally land and this is where the story gets good.

As I'm getting up the rude guy in front of me acts as if he owns the plane. First lets get a description of retardman. The guy is your typical white trash bikerFAG. He is between 35-45, has a black bandana on (with white accents), a black shirt with something dumb written on it like motorcycles or something, cheap blue jeans, some retarded tattoo that says "I'm gay" in mandarin (which he thinks means "strength," and some tasteless Kmart shoes. So now back to the story... Retardobikerman steps up bumping into me as he scrambles to put a half smoked cigarette in his mouth as his brother (equally trashy) speaks of how great is smells. Their sister (also around the same age as the two) needs a wheelchair and is hobbling around as they look like fools. So as we exit the plane (they are in front of me) they have to stand on the side to wait for their sisters wheelchair and I hear the guy say, "this is bullshit, the chair should be here already." I look back and think to myself, "yeah moron, your chair is magically going to appear right here in front of you from the bottom of the plane... Jackass." Well I guess my face showed it and somehow he realized that I looked back when he said that and he started yelling stuff at me (I think I heard faggot in there somewhere). So he ends up coming up behind me (he was about 50 feet back) and hits me in the back of the leg with his suitcase and I turn around to ask him, "what the hell is your problem." He says, "what are you going to do about it... I tell him, I'm going to call the cops because you're harassing me." He says, "go for it." I say, "I am." We get off and I go to the airline hostess and tell her to page the cops because this guy is harassing me. She says it over the loudspeaker asking for a sheriff. The guy immediately takes his bag, lets out the handle and starts booking it for the door (this guy probably had a warrant out or something). I follow him all the way out (lets face it, we just got off a plane... He can't have a knife or gun and he'll get arrested if he hits me) and he is obviously scared. Unfortunately the moron got away without the cops catching him (yeah.. no cop all the way through the entire aiport to the parking lot... ORANGE SECURITY LEVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!). His brother walks by and says, "did you rat my brother out." I said, "I sure did, you should tell him not to harass people."

Thats my story for this week of flying... I basically chased a guy out of an airport and got to laugh at how desperate the moron is... But if you see him, please let me know.. He looks like this.